Can I Ask A Question?
On August 31, I celebrated my eight month “ampiversary” - the day I lost my right leg above the knee. I didn’t do anything to really “celebrate” - I went to church that night, which is celebration for me - but it was just like any other day. Even typing that sentence I realize for the last eight months, days aren’t just like any other day for me. My life truly changed the day I lost my leg. I had been at the point of death days before my surgery was scheduled and by the time amputation day came, my leg was septic and it had to go. Since then I’ve battled mourning the loss of my leg and grasping my new reality and eventual new normal. Right now, normal is a moving target.
Life for me before amputation and before my long health journey had it’s limitations and health challenges too, but for the most part it wasn’t quite as evident as not having a leg. Now I can’t fade in the background, because when I enter a room I’m in my wheelchair so you can’t miss me. Eventually I’ll be using a prosthetic and that will be noticeable too. For me, accepting the fact that I now deal with a very visable disability became difficult, yet real.
Having lived with rheumatoid arthritis for 28 years, I accepted the limitations and differences I dealt with daily. Losing my leg took me to a whole new level of disability. Though I may have been dealing with a debilitating disease, I didn’t see myself as disabled. Now I had to accept the life-changing condition I have and move forward. Trust me folks, it’s a work in progress.
On this journey I’ve had people ask questions, and some people who ask first if I cared if they asked me questions. When it comes to sharing about this journey, I love to share! I totally understand why people are hesitant to ask since I’m a walking (or wheeling right now) medical journal and likely get tired of the questions. I don’t tire of answering questions, but I don’t want to be defined by my medical issues or disability. I’d guess anyone with a disability would say the same thing. So I thought I’d answer a few questions that I get regularly, in case you have the same questions but are afraid to ask.
“Does your leg hurt? Do you have what they call ‘phantom pain’?” - I am blessed that I don’t deal with much pain in my right leg. I had a lot of phantom pain in the beginning and while at rehab I was able to get on the right level of medication to help take most of it away. It was a pain like I’ve never felt before - like an electrical jolt. I would literally jump when it happened. Thankfully I mostly just have the phantom sensation now. What is phantom sensation? It is the feeling that the rest of your leg is still there. Very hard to describe, but it’s fascinating how our body works.
“Can you wear your normal clothes when you get your prosthetic?” - Yes. Currently I’m wearing dresses because it makes it much easier to navigate since I can’t stand up for long on my one leg. The good thing is even after I get my prosthetic, dresses will make it easier to access my leg to take it off and on. I can still wear normal pants, jeans, etc. Until I’m wearing my prosthetic for a full day, I likely won’t wear tight-fitting pants to make it easier to donn and doff (take off and put on) my leg.
“What will you do with your other shoe?” - Wear it. Ha ha! This is a question amputees get often. With a prosthetic, you wear a shoe on your prosthetic foot. It’s made to be the same size as your other foot and even has a slit between your big toe and the rest of your toes for wearing thonged sandals. If you use a running blade, which as much as I’d want to, I won’t be running, then you don’t wear a running shoe on that foot, requiring just one shoe. Zappos now sells single shoes for running so amputees can only buy one shoe. Shoes with backs or back straps are preferable so you don’t walk right out of your shoe with your prosthetic foot.
“When will you get your prosthetic and be able to walk?” - Sooner than I thought! I’ve been waiting for my incision to heal and finally the middle of August I was cleared. I went for my measurements on August 19 and my prosthetist, Chris, said that I’d have two to three test fittings before the final leg was built. Yesterday, September 2, was my first test fitting. I did so well that Chris is ready to make my final leg! I was, and still am, overwhelmed and speechless. I was super nervous and scared, but it went far better than I could imagine. Barring no insurance slowdowns, I’ll get my final leg on September 16. I’ll then get scheduled for outpatient physical therapy to learn to walk…again. The process will be slow as I can only wear my leg for an hour at a time three times a day until my leg gets used to the pressure. My hope and prayer is that I can advance from a walker, to crutches, to one crutch. And, my ultimate goal is no assistance device. Look Ma, no hands!
“Will you drive?” - This is a great question since I lost my right leg, which is your driving leg. I’ve been told I can learn to drive with my left leg, but I’ll be honest, that scares me to death. I want to be as safe as possible since it’s not me I’m worried about, but being safe for others on the road. Thankfully there are many hand control options that can be installed in your vehicle so that will be the route I will go. Driving will come after I master walking enought to venture out solo.
If you have more questions, be sure to leave them on my “Ask Me Anything” page. I’d love to field more questions in the future. Or if you have a topic you’d like me to cover on my blog, leave your ideas there as well!
Being an amputee and learning to navigate this new life has been daunting at times. I always dreamed about being an athlete, but I was never able to even play sports. Now I will soon begin a journey learning to walk and manuever with my bionic limb. That makes me feel like an athlete. I’m training for the game of life. That sounds sort of cheesy, but life is hard for all of us. Some of us have more challenges than others, but with my competitive spirit, I pray I can crush it.